When people go through extreme situations, such as fleeing dangerous areas, losing their homes or loved ones, their emotional state becomes very fragile. Support during such moments should be careful and sensitive, as the wrong words can cause more harm than good.
What Not to Say:
❌ “Don’t cry,” “Don’t complain,” “Don’t exaggerate,” “Others have it worse…”
These phrases are usually used when we find it hard to bear someone else’s emotions and want to end the conversation quickly. However, such statements can make the person feel guilty for their feelings, which only worsens their distress.
❌ “You need to be strong for others”
This is manipulation that forces the person to suppress their true emotions, which is important for preventing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Everyone has the right to their own emotions, and forcing them to “hold on” for others is harmful.
❌ “I understand you,” “I know what you’re feeling”
No one can fully understand another person’s feelings, especially if they haven’t been in the same circumstances. These phrases can create distance and even mistrust, as every experience is unique.
❌ “Everything will be fine,” “Things will get better”
We cannot guarantee the future, and using these phrases may come across as indifferent. The person in distress might perceive this as an attempt to avoid offering real support and to dismiss the situation.
❌ “Nothing serious happened,” “There’s nothing to cry about”
This is devaluing the other person’s experience. What seems minor to you might be deeply painful for them. Such devaluation only deepens the emotional wound.
Be Careful with the Phrase “I’m So Sorry”
While this may sound like support, it can leave the person in distress unsure of how to respond. The automatic “thank you” often ends the conversation without giving them the opportunity to fully express their feelings. Constant use of “I’m sorry” may further increase feelings of helplessness.
What to Say Instead:
- Listen without judgment.
- Offer empathy, not pity.
- Provide practical help or simply be present.
Communicating with people in acute stress requires special attention and delicacy. Your words can either help them feel supported or make their situation worse. Be mindful of what you say in these moments.
